Wednesday January 6, 2010

I am currently writing this blog so I can reference back to my life when I reread this in a few weeks or months or even years. This is a sort of--what do I call it?--a little flag I'm putting down in my life so I could remember back to this moment as a stressed junior in high school. I'm glad it's a brand new year--the year 2010. Just that one little--or maybe not so little--fact somehow flicked a switch on my brain that has caused me to look at life a bit differently. I honestly believe it's a psychological or mental sort of thing--thinking because it's a new year, it's a new start, a new you. I'm still the same person but I honestly believe I have grown up this year--my junior year. Junior year in high school--let me tell you--is a stepping stone in life. I had a glimpse of the real world. Stress, decisions to make, responsibility. It's a lot to handle as a teenager but I suppose us, teenagers, must stop wishing and whining to be young again. The faster we get over the fact that we can't go back to the past, we will be more successful as we are ready to face the real world. There's just the end of junior year and senior year before I go off the college. It's a lot to handle. I'm growing up along with my classmates and close friends.
I guess I should make the most of it--living life and enjoying every precious moment I have as a young teenager.
By the way, I was able to get my braces off Christmas Eve. It was the best Christmas present ever. So I was able to go back to school and show off my bright, white and braces-free teeth that first day back from winter break. I also have my permit at the moment so I'm practicing to drive. I can't wait to receive my driver's license and will have the priviledge to drive myself around. I'll feel so grown up. My best friend received her driver's license on Christmas Eve--what a good Christmas present or what?--and she has already had the opportunity to drive herself to stores around our city. She felt so grown up and so responsible.
See what I'm getting at? Junior year is totally the marking point of growing up--of feeling responsible and independent and your own person. Independent. I like to think I am though I can't deny I depend on my family for support; for my friends.
One of the things that have been bothering and nagging at the back of my mind lately is how girls--I'm not saying all, but some--cling on to their boyfriends. These girls are like peanut butter and jelly with their boyfriends, unable to be separated by them. They have to be with their boyfriend almost 24/7. This is not jealousy talking, believe me. I totally understand about having that significant other and being loved and being accepted is a wonderful feeling. But I honestly think it's sort of pathetic when you get to the point where you have to be with your boyfriend in order to feel happy and beautiful about yourself. That's when I think being independent is such a great quality to have because you show that you're a strong person and you have the ability to make yourself happy with your own accomplishments, etc.
And the second thing that has been bothering me lately is PDA! Seriously, can you not get a room? Sure it's fine if you give like a quick kiss or whatever. But I hate, hate, hate how a couple is kissing like every other minute. Especially when they can't stop touching each other. Like seriously, there's this girl who can't keep her hands to herself--and vice versa, the guy can't keep his hands to himself. The girl would just stand in front of the guy, leaning into him and always running her hands down his arms. And they'd kiss every other minute! Like seriously. It especially bugs me when before this girl had a boyfriend, she blatantly stated that she hated PDA. Yeah, well doesn't seem that you think that anymore....
Whew! I feel so much better letting that out of my system. Sadly but truthfully, I wouldn't have been able to vent about this to my close friends--even my best friend of like five years. This reason is because all of us are just in such a tight and fun group of friends that we rarely--and I mean rearely--have any fights among one another. But when there was a fight--it was very small, don't worry--it was hard to take sides because we are all very good friends to one another. But I feel--I'm not sure if my friends feel the same way--that if something is nagging at the back of my mind, I won't be able to tell a friend or two about it because I'm afraid they'll tell another close friend of ours and it'll resort in drama. And I hate drama. Drama is so junior high. Drama is a waste of time. My time should be spent studying hard for my AP and Honors classes, studying for SAT's, and trying to enjoy my free time--if I get any free time after I finish all my homework. And here it is again: responsibility.
Responsibility to do my work. To reach my goals. To steer away from the things in life that will distract me from my goals and dreams. To be able to sacrifice a night out with friends or something. To be able to tell myself that I'll be happy and it'll all work out in the end.
And don't get my wrong, I am happy. It's just this stress that's eating at me.
Well, I better go.
Wish me luck and we'll see where I am the next time I post a little reminder-blog.

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

This is my second week of SAT schooling. Ugh. School during the summer? I know, summer is suppose to be for relaxing and just having a good few months before school starts all over again. But SAT school is a must must for me because I'm going to be a junior in the fall. I sadly had to quit tennis--which was a huge decision for myself to make. I've been on the tennis team my freshman and sophomore year and my friends are all tennis players. It sucks to not see them during tennis camp, because I'm at SAT school and I don't want to just go see them play while I sit there on the bleachers. But luckily I get to see my friends--after a full two weeks--today. I'm going over my friends house to go swimming and possibly play Rockband. Ha. I'm skilled at the guitar.
I'm also working on my Fanfiction stories, and that's how I keep myself busy during the day when I have nothing planned. Sadly, I finished my book and I am in need to go visit Borders or the library.